14 JULY, 1999, EVERYWHERE, USA--
The Autonomous Footsoldiers, proud carriers of the revolutionary flag, continue strongly in their pursuit of "Oysterizing" the United States of America with their unique blend of the traditional "fine arts" and the somewhat less recognized art of Pop(!) Cultural rEvolution. Determining that small groups of Footsoldiers could take on the nation more easily than one large faction, the members have split into strategic smaller groups that will claim multiple parts of the country in a much more efficient manner. Most of the West Coast all the way to Alaska is being conquered as you read these very words, while Footsoldiers in the South and Southwest maintain the stranglehold that has been in place for many months. Another part of the country that is currently facing a full-on assault is the Midwest. Counting on the summer heat to slow and weaken the citizens of the "Breadbasket of America," the Autonomous Footsoldiers now move in for the kill on the "Heartland." Citizens of these parts should keep their eyes open for signs of Autonomy and react accordingly. Meanwhile, the recruiting process continues throughout the land, and interested parties should get in touch with the Autonomous Footsoldiers via e-mail at email@example.com or through their web site at http://www.autonomousfootsoldiers.com. Potential inductees should keep in mind that the actions of the Autonomous Footsoldiers are sporadic and involvement may lead to much moving about with little predictability.